Honest and Crude
by Lydianna
Summary: Response to the Drunken Giles Ficathon challenge prompt no. 2 - After her mother's funeral Buffy show's up at Giles' with alcohol. A bit of drunken honesty ensues. B/G Rating either T or M but I put M to be safe


The watcher found his thoughts interrupted by the banging of his door closing. When he heard no voice calling him he lifted the nearest weapon that he could reach, a short sword next to his bedside table, and made his way to the stairs.

"Buffy...what are you doing here?" He asked lowering his sword and relaxing his stance.

"God Giles you even leave your door unlocked when you're asleep?" She asked looking back at the door. "Unless you were still up? I was kinda hoping you'd still be up..." She took in his lack of clothing and nervously met his gaze. He wore his robe but she couldn't see a shirt underneath it and guessed perhaps he only had his underwear beneath it, after all he had said he was in bed.

"I was still awake if that's what you mean, I was reading in bed." He told her. "Now that I have answered your questions about my actions inside my home are you going to tell me...Buffy have you been drinking?" He asked suddenly spotting the bottle in her hand.

"No, not yet. I thought last time I decided to have more than just one drink it was badness so maybe if I came here...we could have drinks together and you won't let me go crazy cave Buffy." She explained. He didn't ask why she wanted to drink, it was fairly obvious. Now that the funeral was out of the way and the other paperwork issues and things had been dealt with, Buffy now faced the hardest part - getting on with the rest of her life, without her mother.

"Let me just go change." He told her before moving to the stairs.

"Giles it's just me, you don't need to go dress up or anything." She protested, he was already halfway up the stairs though.

Giles tugged off his robe and quickly found a t-shirt and sweatpants to wear instead. She may not require him to be dressed up but something more than a robe and a pair of boxers was probably wise.

He returned to find her carrying two glasses through from the kitchen and placing them on the coffee table.

"Who's with Dawn?" he asked as he took a seat on the couch.

"Xander and Anya." she replied. "Dawn loves Xander and he seems to be the only one that can make her act sort of normal at the moment so..."

"It's his gift." Giles nodded. "He sees far more than people give him credit for and he's the heart of our group. I'm really very proud of him, all of you really but he's...grown over the years."

"He's like a son to you." Buffy realised her eyes widening. She downed her drink. "I always thought..."

"You aren't a daughter to me Buffy, I care about you of course but I've never truly seen you like a daughter the way that Xander is like a son." he told her squeezing her hand before downing his drink also. "I will of course be here to help you Buffy, you don't have to do this alone."

"It's a lot to take in...that she isn't here to help me..." Buffy whispered.

They didn't talk much for a while, both concentrating on their drinks until Giles stood up abruptly.

"This won't do, far too miserable considering the amount of alcohol we've had." he said decisively. "Let's put something on the telly, or some music."

"TV." she agreed. "Bound to be something cool on this late."

This seemed to do the trick because soon they were laughing obscenely at a cheesey film, Buffy criticizing the woman's outfit.

"See if I went out wearing that, there's no way I'd come home looking like that! My hair would be a mess, my make up ruined and as for the dress...it'd be toast!"

"Oh yes, that would really be tragic." he smirked.

"Giles, I know you don't care for fashion like I do but there's no need for an innocent dress to get ruined." she protested.

He laughed realising that she had no idea that he was instead thinking of a ruffled slayer with a rather torn dress. Of course she didn't see him that way, he knew that and he didn't want to. He knew it was wrong, he was too old for her, he was her watcher and she trusted him. Still...he had come to love her gradually; first fondness, then an almost parental love, then friend and then as she grew older it changed again.

He didn't notice it at first. It was a dream he had about her romantically that made him realise it the first time. Nothing erotic that first time, that came later, it had simply been the two of them sat on this very sofa. They had been laughing about something and when she smiled up at him, he had bent down and kissed her. They had been so close and happy. After that he had had to keep a close eye on how he looked at her. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable with his feelings. After a good few drinks though he wasn't sure he was capable of hiding anything at all but he was counting on Buffy being oblivious to him even being a man to get him through the night without incident, as well as the fact that she was also drinking.

"I saw Angel. At the graveyard." she said quietly. "He came here from LA but my dad didn't."

"I'm sorry Buffy." he said softly not knowing what else to say.

"He's gone again and...it almost feels like it didn't happen." she whispered leaning against him.

"You were hoping he would stay?" he asked.

"I don't know, not really I guess. It wasn't the same, I guess I wanted to pretend for a while." she replied, nuzzling into his shirt and closing her eyes. "Pretend that everything was back how it was when I first came here, before Angel went bad, before he left me, before the master killed me, before mum got sick...God Giles..." Her voice broke more and more with every word until she sobbed into his chest and clung to him as if she were drowning.

"Sshh...Buffy..." he soothed her holding her tightly to him. "I know it doesn't seem like it now but things will get better and you can do this Buffy."

"M-mum...she's..." he felt his heart clench at her grief. "I can't breathe...I...I can't..."

He tried to pull her back from him enough to look at her. He wanted to get her to concentrate on him so that he could slow her breathing.

"Buffy I'm not going anywhere, I just want you to look at me." he reassured her as she clung to him. She finally looked up and him and met his gaze. He planned to tell her to match his breathing; he planned to calm her down. He kissed her.

It wasn't until she was kissing him back as if his breath kept her alive that he realised his mistake. How could he have let that happen? What was he thinking? Was he thinking? Not with anything above his waist apparently. He pulled away from her quickly, catching her off guard and prying her off of him completely.

"Buffy, I'm so sorry." he told her. She gaped at him but no words came out.

"Did you want to kiss me?" she asked eventually.

"Yes." he admitted. "But you're fragile right now and we've both been drinking, I never meant for you to know Buffy please believe me that I never meant to put you in this position."

"So you wanted to kiss me?" she asked again.

"Yes but-"

"Then you don't get to say that you're sorry." she cut him off. "I love you Giles and for ages I felt like I was being stupid and crazy for thinking about you like I did and now you finally look at me that way you try to take it back?!"

"Buffy that's not what I meant." he tried to explained. "You're not in the state of mind to-"

"Don't you dare tell me I'm fragile." she spat out. "I am so out of here."

"Buffy wait." he spoke as she reached the door. "Don't walk out that door."

"Why?" she asked crossing her arms over her chest.

"Against my better judgement, I don't want you to leave." he replied. "If you walk out that door I suspect this will be something we never discuss again and therefore never fix. Above all else I care about you, in whatever capacity you will allow me to and if you walk out that door it will ruin our relationship probably forever."

Her posture slumped and she backed away from the door.

"I don't have anywhere else to go anyway." she admitted. Dawn was with Anya and Xander, her house was empty and no longer felt like home. Giles' flat did feel like home, that was why she had come here.

"Stay here, with me." he told her approaching her cautiously.

"Are you asking what I think you're asking?" she huffed.

"I have no intentions on taking advantage of you tonight, I simply do not want you out of my sight until this is resolved." he said.

"You had no intentions of kissing me either." she pointed out.

"You're right." he agreed clearing his throat, she was exactly right; he had had no intentions of kissing her and that happened, he didn't intend to shag her senseless but the thought was there none the less. "I have a rather nasty habit of not knowing when to stop drinking."

"Why did you kiss me?" she asked.

"Because in that one moment all I wanted was to take your pain away and in a foolish hope I thought perhaps I could." he replied with a sad smile. "Buffy you have just lost your mother; no one can simply take the pain away. No one."

"Do you...think of me that way?" she asked uncertainly.

"Does that really surprise you that much?" he countered.

"Well...yeah." she replied. "You're you know, older and smarter and..."

"Yes, yes I know very old and gross. Not to mention stuffy and British and boring." he muttered turning away from her to pour himself another drink.

"That is so not what I meant." she told him, grabbing his arm as he downed his glass.

"Giles if you hadn't been all shacked up with some other woman I would never have said those things. It was serious babbling of the Willow variety. Giles you hurt me, not only weren't you going to help but you didn't want to listen because she was there." she shouted.

"Other woman?" he asked suddenly bursting out laughing.

"OK, not seeing the hilarity here." she commented narrowing her eyes at him. He didn't explain for a good while, clutching his sides in laughter instead.

"Do you have any idea why Olivia even left?" he asked still chuckling to himself.

"She wasn't cool with the whackiness of the hellmouth?"

"Wrong, she told me that she could have gotten used to what my life entails...although granted she did encourage me to up and leave the country." he smirked. "She decided that she couldn't deal with being second in my life, feeling like she was the other woman compared to my slayer."

"Wait...what?" she blinked. He burst out laughing again and she stared at him as if he had grown a second head. "What is so funny?"

"Funny?" he asked. "Why isn't it funny? You just called my girlfriend the other woman; she left because she considered you to be the other woman when really that just leave's me shagging neither of you. How's that for irony?"

"I...I'm not sure whether you being drunk is a good thing or a bad thing right now." she muttered.

"What's the matter Buffy? Was that a bit honest and crude for you?" he asked stepping closer to her. "Does the fact that your middle aged watcher wants you disgust you Buffy?" She gasped as his face came inches from hers. Her stomach flipped as she stared into his eyes, his desire was so obvious in them now it shocked her. "It doesn't..." he concluded in surprise seeing her eyes darkening.

"Weren't you listening to me earlier? Oh wait I forgot I couldn't have meant it because I'm so emotional fragile and drunk." she gritted out. "Well you're the one who's drunk. I've dreamt of kissing you, imagined you wanting me...but not like this. You'd never say any of this if you weren't drunk, so I'll stay for the sake of fixing us but right now...I _don't_ want you. I want my Giles and I want to know that when he says he wants me back he isn't just drunk and angry."

"Buffy..."

"Go to bed Giles. I'll sleep down here and we'll talk in the morning." she told him. He stared at her for a long moment before realising that she was right. He was drunk. He was mortified, the things he had said to her. He wanted to kiss her again in case he never got another chance or try to apologise but fearing he might end up doing or saying something worse he nodded and headed silently upstairs.


End file.
